Media Mike's Archive

"Footloose" is Brainless!

"FOOTLOOSE," Opening Night, August 24, 1999
Pantages Theatre, Los Angeles

Wow! Opening Night! The Stars are out in force! Look, there is the famous Mr. Blackwell, of the "worst-dressed list" fame, wearing a pink scarf! And there's that guy from that TV show.....Gee, what's his name? And, there's....uh...um... Well, believe me, there were Stars there, baby! I just didn't know them. Of course, I was there with my trusty friend Sonia, the "musical-comedy whore." I mean "musical-comedy whore" in the sense of one who really likes musicals, not in the sense of one who will sleep with you for tickets...as I found out that night.

The reason for all this Hollywood firepower in one place was the opening of the play "Footloose," the story of a kid who...dang it...just has to dance. Now, unless you are one of those freaks that don't own a TV, I am sure you have seen the film version on cable. One teenager's crusade for the right to wear his hair like the lead singer of "Flock of Seagulls!" I must admit, I consider the film a "guilty pleasure." Now that it is a big ole' Broadway musical, the "guilty pleasure" is now just guilty.

The show opens with the Kenny Loggin's penned title song. Our hero, Wren, is leaving Chicago, moving 600 miles away to the fictional hick haven of Bomont. Now, here is were the problems begin. One little flaw, I almost feel bad mentioning it, THE ACTOR PLAYING WREN CAN'T SING! I don't ask for great acting in a musical, but I need the actors to be able to sing and dance! He could dance up a storm, he had the biggest man-breasts this side of Victor Mature, but flat my friends, flat!

Wren lands in Bomont, and folks, there is trouble in Redneck City. Like a baseball player that takes a bad hop grounder to the crotch, he won't be dancing tonight! It is agin' the law! And then there is the matter of Ariel, the feisty preacher's daughter, who ain't very Christian. This part was played to perfection in the film by Lori Singer. However, in the play, the actress playing Ariel looked about as dangerous as sleeping kittens. Despite the miscasting, our heroine gave a winning performance, even though she pulled a "Hooters-girl" trick. That's where you wear short shorts with those "steel reinforced" panty hose. It makes your legs look great, but when you take/cut them off you balloon out like the Michelin Man. Not that I am speaking from personal experience.

Back to the play, now we all know the most important thing in life is dancing, so this law must be changed. And, that is what the next hour is about. Of course, the stupid teachers, the pious preacher, and the other adults--all one dimensional characters--have no chance against the one-and-a-half dimensional kids. So, in the end, Mr. Bojangles dances.

There was one bright spot in this mess, the actor playing Wren's sidekick Williard. Williard, the king bumpkin in Bomont is, surely, the love child of Goober Pyle. The lines are set up for him to steal the show and he doesn't disappoint. He also has the only original song in the show that is the least bit memorable, "Mama Said."

As the play was ending, I keep thinking how could this run for months on Broadway? Is the "Great White Way" in such a state of disarray? Has it turned into Las Vegas East?

The answer is yes.

I guess I should get ready for "Flashdance, The Musical!" I am maniac, maniac for sure....

p.s. Sonia, the musical-comedy whore, true to her nature, liked the play. "I'm a sucker for the dancing!"

THE SKINNY: On the Randlemanland scale of one to ten, "Footloose" gets a two.

Media Mike's Archive

Media Mike's Archive

"Footloose" is Brainless!

"FOOTLOOSE," Opening Night, August 24, 1999 Pantages Theatre, Los Angeles

"FOOTLOOSE," Opening Night, August 24, 1999
Pantages Theatre, Los Angeles