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From the Celibacy Posterchild Archives
February 14, 2000
From the Celibacy Posterchild Archives
February 14, 2000
February 14, 2000
A BITTER, BITTER MAN
Another Poovey-less Valentine's Day.
I am sitting here like a pathetic slob. I just called in a request to a radio station to play a song for my girlfriend. 10CC's "The Things We Do For Love." Of course, my girlfriend doesn't exist. So, when it plays I will do a solo bump and grind. More grind than bump I am afraid.
I just got back from the market and I plan to eat nothing but Tater Tots all day. I do this in protest of this phony holiday, conceived by the card and flower industry to soak men that are just recovering from blowing all that cash at Christmas. Nothing but Tater Tots and some chocolate.
I apologize, gentle reader for my tone, but the burden of being single is taking its toll. I have eaten so much lately that I have to wear my period pants all the time. The inner thigh area is starting to wear thin and thank god, I don't wear corduroy or my crotch would be one large spark. On second thought, that doesn't sound so bad. Tater Tots, chocolate and Chex Mix only!
Perhaps my frustration is partly due to my slow progress on my one man play about John Wayne Gacy, tentatively titled either "Dead Clown Walking" or "33 Dead Bodies of Boys in the Crawl...Space; 33 Dead Bodies of Boys." I am looking evil in the face and it is winking at me and grabbing my ass! More Pop Tarts!
Late Valentine's Day: To top off another red-letter day for the Baileys, I audited an acting class tonight and it ran so long that by the time I got out, all the hookers had dates. So I had no one to drop my Chalupa. There is no God.
So, happy holiday everyone. Till next time. "Like walking in the rain and snow, when there is nowhere else to go. And you feel like a part of you is dying....dadadah.....The Things We Do For Love...."
CPC
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