From the Celibacy Posterchild Archives
October 14, 1999

Letters to the Posterchild

The overwhelming response to the Celibacy Posterchild has been...well, overwhelming. I have decided to share a few letters with you, the gentle reader.

From Erie, Pennsylvania: Dear CPC, I noticed you haven't updated your column lately. What's up? Finally getting some of the good stuff? Riding high, SW!

Well SW, if by good stuff, you mean those special Halloween orange Hostess cupcakes, then I am indeed "getting" lots of the good stuff. If you mean have I found my Ms. Poovey, the answer is no. And, sad to say, I seem to be no closer to even some of the "not-so-good-stuff." I guess part of my problem is that 90% of the woman in Los Angeles are lesbians, at least that is what they say when I asked them out. Riding low, CPC

From Abilene, Texas: Howdy Posterchild, Sorry to hear that things are slow in the heifer department. Remember, if you don't use your branding iron enough it tends to lose it's starch. Yahoo, AF!

AF, I am not worried about my "branding iron" losing it's starch. Just bring a herd around and I'll have the Ponderosa brand marked before Hoss and Little Joe get back from Virginia City. I could brand the whole Big Valley. I could...uh, AF, we are talking about woman, right?...Right?

From the capital city of Helena, Montana: You kind and loving man, if ever one deserved love, it is you. You have the soul of a poet, your love is the nectar of life, the sound of your voice rivals an angels harp. Please wait for me, my earliest parole date is September 2008, it would have been sooner expect for that curling iron attack. Love Barbara #58274884.

Dear #58274884, thanks for the letter and your new curling iron is in the enclosed cake. Love CPC.

From Heber Springs, Arkansas a JJ writes: Admit it Posterchild, you are a loser. What do you have to offer a woman? You are a big whiner. Anyone that can't find a woman in Los Angeles has to be a loser. Get off you butt and cruise the bus depot for new arrivals, they all think they're going be stars. Play on their stupidity for easy sex. Hang around the hostels and pick up foreign chicks. Use your head man!

Obviously, JJ, you know nothing of love. You can't trap a woman into loving you. True love sees through these ruses. If I need duplicity to find my Ms. Poovey, then it will be a life of late-nite Cinemax for me. You are a sick man and after I return from the bus depot, I will e-mail you some psychological sites to help you with your anger.

Well, that is all for today. Keep the cards and letters coming. My search for Ms. Poovey goes on. Until next time!

From the Celibacy Posterchild ArchivesOctober 14, 1999

From the Celibacy Posterchild ArchivesOctober 14, 1999

Letters to the Posterchild

From the Celibacy Posterchild Archives
October 14, 1999

From the Celibacy Posterchild Archives
October 14, 1999